Cowabunga, or how one remake destroyed my childhood memories.

Hi my hot cute girly geeks and boy geeks of course. Today not really a review but more of a rant so be warned.

TMNT 2014

The last couple of years it seems very popular to remake films, reboot series or bring out a long awaited sequel.

NOPE!

Don’t get me wrong, in some cases it’s a good thing to finally get a sequel, like the Veronica Mars film, or what about the Doctor Who reboot.

But in most cases a big fat NOPE. In particular the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle film. Last weekend I had the opportunity to watch it and it was such a big disappointment. I mean, I was dreading the film as soon as I saw the first posters online, but this film singlehandedly destroyed my childhood memories of the cartoons.

I grew up in the 80’s and early 90’s. I grew up with the Sky channel (BBC) cartoons and later on a Dutch television program just for kids. I grew up in a time were the cartoon where still in its original language and with Dutch subtitles or in case of Sky channel, no subtitles. I grew up watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Transformers, GI  Joe and many more really classic and epic cartoons.

And this new Turtle film feels like J.J. Abrams and Michael Bay had a love child while someone with appalling taste in script writing created the story. Throw in what feels like a limited special effect budget (CGI wise) and think back at those Power Ranger series on TV and you have Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

I loved the series as a kid growing up. I loved the catchphrases and jokes and epic adventures. I loved the dorky April (us girls wished we were her), and I had a secret crush on Michelangelo with his jokes and love for pizza.

When I was 10 and visited Disneyland Paris I even danced with Michelangelo (let’s face it, some dude in a Michelangelo suit) and I was over the moon.

Now, after this abomination of a film I feel I need to cry and rave and rant. I know many people who didn’t grew up with TMNT love the film. But even without my background in the story and the original cartoons you can’t absolutely love that film. It’s horrible!

The turtles are indeed mutant, my god they look awful. I hope whoever designed them is shaming in a corner. The story is paper-thin. I guess it’s made so that a whole TMNT franchise can spawn from it, but please don’t. As I said before, it seems like JJ Abrams and Michael bay had a love child. Its lens flares and cheap explosions all over. And let’s not discuss Megan Fox. Ok for a bit. I don’t know what she has done to her face, but it feels like she’s pulling a Kirsten Steward, one facial expression and it’s not a good one.

And the fight scenes, oh the fight scenes. I unfortunately grew up for some part of my childhood with stepbrothers and they loved the power rangers. Have you seen it? Remember the fake fighting scenes where they kicked someone from a very safe distance and the other person still was hit? Yep, that’s what the fight scenes look like in this film. And I counted one, just one cowabunga in the whole movie, as well as two or three pizzas. How the hell is that possible! That is not nearly enough pizza!

And Splinter? Just shoot me now. He does have the characteristic pulling of his moustache / whiskers thing, but that’s it. I just want to go hide and cry over this film.

Poor, poor Micky, Michelangelo, my baby, my secret crush is now some obnoxious, hormone driven teenager. I would slap him for the comments that come out of his mouth, seriously.

TMNT old skool

What about all those other rumours? A remake of the Goonies, and just this week I read about the Crow.

How hard is it to come up with something original people! And please keep your grabby hands of the classics. Stop destroying childhood dreams and introduce bad films to a completely new audience.

Rant over. Thank you.

Your own very sad and disappointed hot cute girly geek, Mendy. 

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About hotcutegirlygeek

Hi I’m Mendy, 30, live in the Netherlands together with my lovely cat Sir James. I’m a social worker who works with drug addicts and homeless people by day and a geek, avid blogger and aspiring author by heart. I read, write, blog, bake and create. More about Hot Cute Girly Geek

3 thoughts on “Cowabunga, or how one remake destroyed my childhood memories.

  1. Sander says:

    Don’t forget they are ‘remaking’ the power rangers xD
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3133380/
    It’s going to be dark and gritty! Just like you remember it T.T

  2. rtgrthetasigma says:

    Can’t even give a case for the defense – firstly, because I haven’t seen it and, secondly, the fact that Michael Bay and Megan Fox are attached to this film wouldn’t entice me into watching it. The trailer was bad enough to witness.

    I think Hollywood needs to get out of this mindset that merchandising makes for good movies. If the film itself is good enough, the merchandising will follow – it worked for the original Star Wars.

  3. I’m hearing so many mixed reviews of this film I really don’t know what to do! Something tells me I’ll be in the same boat as you; I just can’t feel good about a Turtles film with Bay and Fox attached.

    Did you see the CG animated film with Sarah Michelle Gellar as April? I really liked that one!

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