Hi my fellow Whovians, and now for a romantic, lovely Christmas episode, were almost everyone dies. It’s the voyage of the damned. Beware of the spoilers sweeties.
We start off with the doctor being rammed by a ship, the titanic to be precise and again a 3 times amazing what. The doctor detached his tardis from the ship and investigates. He finds himself on the space titanic and we see a small glimpse of the wonderful characters in this episode. Kylie Minogue as Astrid, creepy looking angels (DON’T BLINK! Sorry wrong episode, a cyborg Zocci called Bannakafalatta (say that name 10 times fast, I dare you. And the Titanic orbits the planet earth. Oh hello Russell Tovey as midshipman Frame on his first trip out, brave little boy he is.
The ship is owned by creepy guy Max Capricorn, he gives me the shutters. And it’s Christmas again. People dancing, earth Christmas music, lovely food, gambling, men in expensive suits. The creepy angels are actually information points (or so we think, mwuahahaha) and they have some software problems, that can’t be good. Within 5 minutes 8 angels are down already. And supposedly Max is going down the drain. After Astrid bump into an obnoxious rude man the doctor chats with her. And she reveals her dreams, looks like the doctor found himself a new companion.
Next we meet Foon and Morvin van Hoff, the winners of some tickets and they are enjoing all the free food. (They must be enormous those buffelo’s with all these wings). Apparently the ship comes with trips to alien planets, or in this case earth and the Doctor decide to tag along with the van Hoff’s, dragging Astrid along. Mr. Copper, played by the talented Clive Swift explains the Christmas traditions, “I shall be taking you to Old London Town, in the country of Yoo Kay, ruled over by good King Wenceslas. Now human beings worship the great god ‘Santa’, a creature with fearsome claws and his wife Mary. Every year, the people of Yoo Kay go to war with the country of Turkey. They then eat the turkey people for Christmas Dinner, like savages!” The whole group is beamed down to earth and finds it deserted. Finally the people from London became smart (besides one) an old man with a funny red hat. Wilf! I love Wilf, and he’s Donna’s granddad. He explains that everybody has fled to the country.
The group is being beamed back to the ship because of some technical problem; they do have that a lot on this ship. Does it perhaps have something to do with the name? The captain is also acting strange while the good passengers enjoy their Christmas, singing/dancing/eating. The doctor being the doctor goes exploring and finds the shields of the ship are off-line. He tries to warn the captain and the good midshipman does the same, only to find a gun pointing at him. The doctor is being arrested by the crew, but not before shouting a warning to the people to go to the lifeboats. Oh why doesn’t anybody listen to him? The people who do listen are Astrid, the van Hoff’s, the small red guy and rude obnoxious guy. Next the angel tells them they are all going to die and in the meantime midshipman Frame has been shot by the Captain.
Huge meteors are approaching the Titanic fast and hit target without the shield, the ship tumbles over, people panic, fire everywhere and presumably almost everybody dies. But not creepy angel robots, who become creepier by the minute. The one official staff member standing is being harassed by the remaining group, now also joint by Mr. Copper. The official staff member is gone all too soon, opening a door he’s not supposed to and being sucked in outer space (bye bye). Also tardis, bye bye, so not good. And the angels turn again more creepier, having now one function: information: to kill. Although Midshipman Frame survived and he and the doctor communicate over the status of the ship, while still bleeding. The ship is slowly falling down to earth. He gets the group survivors to follow him, but obnoxious guy questions him. The doctor responds with an epic answer:
They climb through the damaged ship and the Hoff’s try to fix one of the angels. And in Christmas spirit people get closer to each other, aww how romantic. Turns out the kitchen crew and 60 other people survived, but not for long… The Doctor also explains being there when Christmas was created (hmm maybe as the Virgin Mary???) The group tries to make its way to deck 31, encountering more angels; the doctor franticly tries to find an escape. They lose another of their group, poor Morvin, why not obnoxious guy? Foon doesn’t want to go one without her partner, and obnoxious guy wants the doctor to leave Foon, but he promises to come back. And suddenly the group realizes the angels have wings. And everybody excels in baseball. Kylie turns into tears “I can’t” while Banna gives off and EMP destroying the angels and himself.
The doctor finds the overwrite code for a surviving angel and questions him, only after 3 questions the angel turns and says no more question. Foon being brave captures the angel and the both plunge to their deaths. The doctor is struck by this and swears no more. It pains him seeing people giving their lives for him. And Astrid asked to be the new companion. The midshipman yells that they only have 8 minutes left over the intercom so Astrid snoggs the doctor. He runs off to try to save them and runs into more angels. He tricks them into bringing him to deck 31. “Take me to you leader, I’ve always wanted to say that,” he says with a cheeky grin.
Astrid begs the Midshipman to direct power to the beaming bracelets and beams herself up to deck 31. The doctor is being taken to the leader of the angels. Creepy Max, who turns out to be a head on a, what exactly, some sort of life support system on wheels, being a cyborg. Max is annoyed the ship isn’t crashed yet and the doctor tries to find out the reason behind the crashing. Max wants revenge on the company and he has an escape plan, he can also control the engines from deck 31. Max orders the death of the doctor, but wait, Astrid shows up and she has a forklift. Driving Max and herself to their death. Astrid falls, Midshipman Frame tries to rescue the ship, the remaining survivors hang on for dear life and the doctor walks like a survivor trough flames and sparks, getting angels to carry him to the control room.
The ship is falling and Midshipman Frame and the doctor try their best to not crash (Allons-y Alonzo) almost hitting Buckingham palace in the way. After code 771 (don’t worry, I’ve been informed they changed the code) the Queen tries to run, Wilf is being mad at the aliens and the Doctor saves all. And how does the doctor know the queen? The doctor suddenly gets an epiphany to save Astrid, but the teleport system is to badly damaged. The Doctor is angry again and hurt by losing Astrid yet again, by losing someone yet again. And he kisses the remaining particles, ghostly body of Astrid, sending her off to space to travel amongst the stars. “You’re not falling Astrid, you’re flying.”
The survivors revel in their survival. Midshipman Frame called a rescue ship. Obnoxious guy being extremely obnoxious again and Mr. Copper has a deep moment saying that the person who decides who should live or die is a monster. The doctor is shocked and moved by his words and as a thank you gives him one of the teleport devices. Bringing him back to earth. And Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without fake snow, this time the ballast waste of the Titanic. Mr. Copper still has his credit card left and wants to stay on earth. He uploaded the thing with 1 million pounds, turning out to be 50 million and 56 credits. The doctor leaves, alone, in his Tardis
This Christmas episode has all the good stuff, romance, action, death, explosions, a brilliant cast, a good story, the Titanic, Wilf, creepy angels, the 10th Doctor, what more can a girl want?
Until the next review.
Love, your hot cute girly geek Mendy